A friend asked me what is the secret of long term relationships, since Wilson and I have been together a long time and my previous relationship was seven years long.
It’s hard to explain how it works all I know is that relationship requires effort for it to work. I was asked to write about it instead, which I am kinda not down with because we are far from #relationshipgoals as others think, but I know we are in a good place. It was insisted on that I should write something or anything so here it goes…
Here are the 5 things that worked for us in the last couple of years:
1. Take time to get to know each other and be friends
As cliché as this may sound, we started off as friends and I cannot stress enough how important this has played throughout our relationship.Being friends allowed us to get to know each other without any pressure.
We learned about our tendencies, mannerisms, upbringing, the things we like and hate in food, person, movies, music and even allergies. He knows what drives me crazy, mad and what makes me tick. Being friends allowed us to be comfortable with each other that I don’t have to worry that I would turn him off when I accidentally burp in his face after a pig out.
We didn’t have to worry about anything. It is as raw as it gets.
2. Open communication
We know each other’s history. All the good and bad stuff. I know all about his Exes and he knows about mine down to the excruciating little details. He even witnessed some of my meltdowns.
He can’t read your mind so take a moment to let him know how you really feel.
We both speak our minds and is not afraid to do so. We don’t sugar coat anything. We talk about everything that needs to be talked about because see #1.
3. Personal space
He was clingy like a love smitten teenager on the onset and that was too much for me that I almost tapped out.He was texting me all the time, and will call when I don’t respond right away. He will chat me up on Facebook whenever I am online. He wants to go out every day and hang out all the time. It was suffocating. I told him I didn’t sign up as his text mate or chat mate and should chill the fuck out.
I taught him that we don’t need to always hang out, or be together, and text each other all the time because there are far greater things in life we can achieve with our time than texting and replying to “kumain ka na? anong gawa mo? Kain ka na.”
I encourage him to hang out with his friends and have a good time—without me. This is a relationship not prison. LOL.
I don’t ask him to come with me when going out with my friends because I don’t like the idea of worrying if he’s okay or is he feeling out of place, and I want to give my friends my undivided attention.
Frankly, I just also want to avoid situations where he would tell me to tone down when I am being rowdy with my friends or counting the number of beer bottles I have finished because things will get ugly afterwards. “Bitch, don’t kill my vibe” is the mantra here.
Do you know the percentage of couple fights / breakups birthing from situations like that?
Besides, having a little space allows you to breathe and not lose yourself while in a relationship. Remember, you both had a life before you guys got together. Don’t give that up. Which brings us to #4.
4. Respect privacy
Don’t touch each other’s phone. Don’t open each other’s Facebook account. In fact, never ask for your partner’s password at all. JUST DON’T. You don’t have any business reading through their texts or chat box. If it’s not yours, don’t touch it.
But how do you know that someone is not fooling around? Trust your instincts. Honestly, I wouldn’t know, all I know is that since we are best of friends who have a very open communication, we were able to build trust. Confident that our personal space or time apart are spent wisely and that we trust each other to not make things that can break us or hurt the other and because of that we keep our nose out where it isn’t needed.
There is no need to hack, scheme, fight, sneak our way into each other’s phone and Facebook accounts to see who is talking to who, talking about what, because if you really need (want) to know all you had to do is ask, most of the time it is given as a volunteered information.
Wilson: So, *insert name here* sent me a message earlier asking blah blah blah
Me: WHAT! Hahaha. That is sick!
5. Money should never be an issue
I’m really grateful that we started off as friends because we were so used to splitting the bill. We didn’t have to go through that phase where the other one is fidgeting and counting if he or she has enough to pay for two. Who ever has extra money that day can treat the other and vice versa. Guys shouldn’t have to pay for everything. REALLY.
In the early days of our relationship, Wilson was so broke that I have to treat him all the time. I didn’t mind because if you can treat your friends with shots or Starbucks, then you certainly can feed your man because ladies, one day, all that investment will pay off and things will start to look up. Now he’s returning all the favor. HAHA. I am one stuffed happy panda who never gets hungry. That’s how the cookie crumbles.
Even when we are travelling, we split everything down to the last cent.
These are not cardinal rules. These are mainly guidelines or list of what’s working for us which I am sharing to whatever purpose it may serve.
Starting a relationship is easy. The challenge is maintaining the fire in it. Chase her. Chase her even when she’s already yours. Take care of him even when he doesn’t need taking care of. The same way that it is a skill that you need to develop day in, day out.
After all, you’re a team and team work makes the dream work 😛
Share the things that worked out for you guys on the comment below!